Shelby

This is Shelby.  She is still in hiding but allowed me to take a picture.  We have her in the library with the door closed.  We are hoping this gives her more of a feeling of security.  She has everything she needs in there…though she’s not eating, which is totally stressing me out.

She spent the morning under the bookcase.  She had to have been so uncomfortable.  Now she’s wedged herself between two moving boxes and the wall.  Shelby will let me pet her & scratch behind her ears.  Despite being so scared, she doesn’t hiss or swat at us. 

Cat Scratch Fever

So what does one do when recovering from the emotional stress of a miscarriage?  Adopt a kitty.

OK, so we were planning on getting a cat anyway.  It’s been nearly a year since Corky passed away and we thought it was about time.  We were planning on doing it after Easter but decided to pull it ahead a bit.

For the past few days, I had been searching PetFinder.com for suitable cats.  Through that I learned of several adoption days going on today at various pet stores around town.  At one pet store, they only had brought two cats for adoption but several dogs.  While the cats were cute and extremely laid back, we just weren’t making a connection.  We learned that this shelter had over 50 cats back at their facility and so we made plans with them to stop by later in the day.

The second pet store we went to today had at least 15 days available for adoption.  I instantly fell in love with a pair of Russian Blue kittens.  They were about 5 months old and brother and sister.  I asked to see one out of the cage and as soon as the lady handed one over, he immediately flipped out.  Determined not to drop the little guy nor let him escape, I held on for dear life. 

BIG MISTAKE!

He bit and scratched the heck out of my hand.  I was bleeding rather profusely from my right hand.  I found some hand sanitizer and paper towels and continued to look at some of the other cats.  About 15 minutes later, my right hand was swelling up…and rather fast.

At home, the disinfectant and ice did nothing to bring the swelling down and my pinky starting turning blue.  I decided it was time to hit the Urgent Care Clinic down the street.   Just in case I haven’t received enough medical attention in the last couple of weeks with multiple respiratory infections and a miscarriage, I got a tetanus shot today and another round of antibiotics. (I had Ben take some photos of my grotesquely swollen hand but the pictures just don’t do it justice.)

Way to take advantage of my medical insurance.  President Obama himself may show up on my doorstep and accuse me of abusing the health care system.  Perhaps I’ve had more than my allotted share of healthcare for the year and I’m to be cut off for the remainder of 2010.

Did any of this discourage me from adoption?  No way.  We had a 5pm appointment at the original shelter,  Friends of Michigan Animal Rescue, which is a no-kill shelter for dogs and cats.  FMAR was a wonderful place that houses nearly 50 cats and 12 (?) dogs.  Despite the sheer number of animals, it was incredibly clean and stink free.  And the volunteers were extremely patient while we hemmed and hawed over which one to take home.

We finally decided on Shelby, an 11 month old brown/black tabby.  Shelby was one of several kittens that was found at the Ford Wayne Assembly Plant last summer.  She and all of her siblings were named after Ford vehicles (Fairlane, Flex, Pinto, Comet, …). 

Shelby was very sweet and affectionate at the shelter but is a little freaked out here at our house.  She is currently hiding underneath a couch and only ventures out when it is really quiet.  We are hoping tomorrow that she’s a little more comfortable here in her new home and that she allows us to snap some photos.

Insomnia House Tour: Family Room Edition

I am having a bout of insomnia and so I thought I would share with you some pictures of our new house.  We moved in about 2 and a half weeks ago and haven’t posted anything about the house.  I’m sure you are all anxiously awaiting a home tour, so I’ll start with the family room.

You ready?


Isn’t our family room beautiful? 

What’s that?  You say it’s a little dark?

I guess you are right.  The blue LED on our computer really does give off much more of a glow than represented in this picture.

This is what our family room looks like between the hours of 2 and 4am.  I know because I have been sitting here in the love seat staring at that very wall for the past two hours.

I hope that you have enjoyed this little view into our new home and that you come back for future editions of Insomnia House Tour:  Kitchen, Master Suite, and Dining Room.  Unfortunately, there will be no Basement tour in the near future.  It’s really a mess and I don’t want you to see it that way.

Betrayed

Today was supposed to be a happy day.  I had been planning on telling you that I had my first ob/gyn appointment and that we are nearly 12 weeks pregnant.  Ben and I were both so excited.  And it’s been so hard keeping it a secret.   But I can’t write that post.

I can’t write that post because I have had a miscarriage.  My body has let me down.  I feel betrayed by it.  Not only did I miscarry, but I apparently did so weeks ago.  Yet, my body continued to act pregnant.   I feel duped. 

I am sad beyond words and I am angry.

My body betrayed me. 

It let me pass by that eleven week point and feel confident that I would make it to the second trimester.  We were nearly there!  It allowed me the time to think about how to write the “announcement” post and how to tell our friends and family.  My body allowed me the time to sort through the boxes of baby gear that have been in storage for the last couple of years.  It let me daydream about setting up the nursery.  It let me bond with the baby I thought was growing inside.  My body gave me the time to wonder if it was a boy or a girl…and we will never know. 

And, Ben.  Poor Ben.  He was so strong today – my rock through all of the poking and the prodding and the ultrasounds and the waiting and the crying.  I can only imagine how he must feel.  Like someone just yanked the rug out from underneath him.  He wanted this baby so badly and, yet, he has to be the strong one.   It’s not fair to him.

Why am I sharing all of this with you?  Why would I post something so painful and personal?  Because I can’t actually bring myself to talk about it….out loud (sorry if I’m screening calls).  Because I am hoping by putting this “out there,” by acknowledging this in writing (if not through actual voice), that I can get it out of me.  That I can throw it out and move on.  That maybe I can find closure and heal.

To all of my friends who have ever miscarried, I can only apologize for whatever inadequate words of “comfort” I offered up at the time.  Because now I know that’s exactly what they were:  inadequate.  And I am sorry.

I understand the facts and that this was not a viable pregnancy.  I understand the biology behind this, but my emotions don’t give a shit about science.  I know that many, many women have miscarriages (15-20% of pregnancies end this way) and that I am not alone.  I am not unique, nor do I deserve any special attention.  In fact, I am extremely lucky because I already have a wonderful, healthy child. 

But it doesn’t make me hurt any less.  

It does not make getting up and going to work tomorrow any easier.

Here Kitty, Kitty

Ben:  Do you think you look like Mommy?

Carter:  No

Ben:  Do you think you look like me?

Carter:  Yes, but I’m not furry.  You are furry like a cat.

My sides still hurt from laughing so hard.

Color Career Counselor/Personality Traits

So I’m home sick, again!  Seriously, I wash my hands and take a daily vitamin. I sleep at night and eat vegetables.  What is wrong with me that I’m sick again?

Anyway, since I’m home and supposed to be resting, I’ve been doing a lot of blog reading and web surfing.  I came across this Color Career Counselor quiz.  It is supposed to tell you what you should be doing based on your like/dislike of some colors they show you.

According to the website, “The Dewey Color System® is now the world's most accurate career testing instrument.   This report based on your personality traits indicates your two most enjoyable day-day-day occupation skills.”

I’m not so sure about that.   I’ve copied my results below.  I happen to think they are way off with the first one (claiming I’m Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional) suggests I should work in art, drama, or music.  Ha! Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I am not well suited for a such a career.   Somehow I think the second choice (Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive) is much more accurate…especially the argumentative and aggressive part.

Take the test and tell me what you think?  Did it capture your personality? 

*******

Best Occupational Category:  You're a CREATOR

Keywords -- Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category:   You're a PERSUADER

Keywords -- Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive

These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.