Vision Test Needed

Today was the deadline for submitting Carter’s registration for Kindergarten.  Of course, I turned it in on the last day possible.  And you do know why? Because it was like 40 pages long.  Besides, I was busy filling out the paperwork for summer camp, before school care, and after school care first…all of which were due a couple of weeks ago.

It’s outrageous how much paperwork I have submitted to the Northville Public Schools in the last 3 weeks.  I have gotten hand cramps from writing so much.  Clearly the Paperwork Reduction Act (44 U.S.C. 3501 et seq.) has not trickled down to the State level, least of all the public schools in Wayne county. 

I had to fill out emergency contact cards in duplicate for summer camp, kindergarten, before school care, and after school care.  That was 8 copies of the same dang form.  All of which will be held in the same central repository at the elementary school.  And, NO!, I couldn’t just photocopy them.  They need originals because my signature is on them.

And I was not exaggerating (at least not a lot) when I said the registration was 40 pages long.  I had to fill out Carter’s personal identification information. I had to provide a copy and show his original birth certificate and I had to provide a copy of my driver’s license.  I had to make a list of his strengths and weakness and sign a note stating that he has no know hearing problems.  I had to make a list of things he liked and disliked in preschool.  There were questions about buses and AM or PM kindergarten preferences.  There were forms for sunscreen and permission to use his photo in publications.

And then I had to prove residency in the township.  In order to prove said residency, I had to provide a copy of my mortgage statement, a copy of a utilities bill, and a copy of my bank statement.  Good grief!!  I think I provided less information when we applied for our mortgage.  Clearly there is no sneaking in to this school district. 

I am quite certain that I have seen college applications that were easier than the registration for public school kindergarten.  I kept waiting for the essay portion of the application.  I can see it now…Kindergarten candidate, have you experienced a moment of epiphany, as if your eyes were opened to something you were previously blind to? Describe this moment and your percepts about it.  Or perhaps he would opt for: Does any specific attribute, quality or skill distinguish you from everyone else? How did you develop this attribute?

[an aside…I have no idea what the word “percepts” means in the above paragraph.  Had I actually been writing a college application essay, I would have skipped right over that question and picked another one instead of taking the time to look up the word.  I’m lazy like that.]

As you can imagine, I had all the paperwork neatly filled out and in a folder.  I had all the supporting documentation paper clipped to the registration form in the order it was requested.  I also had the original cover letter with the paragraph requesting the documentation highlighted.  This is my anal retentive way.  If you know me, you should not be surprised.

In the school office submitting the paperwork:

Carla: I’m here to register my son for kindergarten

Admin: Great. Let me take a look at your paperwork.

(While she peruses my nice stack of papers, I watch the principal shredding reams of paper. I have visions of an elementary school version of Enron happening right here in Northville)

Admin:  Looks great, but you are missing the documentation for the vision screening.

Carla:  What?  That wasn’t requested in the letter. (as I point to the paragraph that I highlighted)

Admin:  (pointing to the area just below what I’ve highlighted) It says it right here in the second paragraph.

Carla:  Oh.

Who needs a vision test now?